Noticed about the effect of my playlist

First of all, I noticed that my mood is directly related to the thoughts which are a result of the music I listen to that day. I have noticed the music follows a pattern, and the days and times that certain music is played I really like the way it feels and it is at those times that I feel "ten foot tall and bullet proof."

We are all aware of the effect music has on us. It is used in religous meetings to invite a spirit. The rhthym of religious leaders was studdied ina musicology class I took in college. When we have naptime in headstart music is used to soothe and lull the wee ones to sleep and create an atmosphere conducive to restfullness. We all have heard ambient music used in resturaunts, elevators, or even create emotion in movies or elevate what was trying to be achieved already...thoughts take s tangent on Wagner, but I am not going to write those thoughts. But, I just noticed in my day how much improvment comes to a day by the prescence of music.

I think of that song by Dido "if my house fell down I wouldn't have a clue...because you called me." I had that experience at work one day at the Bon Marche. Everything was terrible, then Jim called and then I felt like everthing was perfect. Ok. So, my life does not change, but it seems different. I think the samething about music. It is not the order of tones or the way words are used that changes anything. It is the thoughts in my head that have been caused by the music. Or... To other Latter-day Saints I suggest that it is the presence of a particular spirit, like the way a certain voice on the telephone entirely changed my perspective. Certain music is accompanied by certain emotions and those emotions are evidence of something. It is easy to see how otherwise brilliant Greek and Roman thinkers thought things we the handiwork of particular diety. They were correct. I observe a feeling exactly associated to something not seen with our eyes.

Not good, but don't know why

Apparently, this is all in wakeful vagueness.  The very thing I held as back up plan was explored enough to reveal misery of a worse kind instead of the freedom I had so desperately hoped for.  It really changes nothing really, just a reworking of thoughts and aspirations.

I figure I ought to be grateful but I am just angry when I cannot actually pinpoint how I know of a trap, but I had written in a journal/photo album years ago these words that they might not be forgotten: "the first step to avoiding a trap is knowing of it's existance." Paul further inquires, "but father, if we know that it is a trap, why go forward?" And in that case the trap was not avoided but was the means to achieve a purpose. It remindsme of Eve asking if there was another way when she realized that she was trapped by her aspirations.

So, this is my journal where I record my underlying awareness of a plot intended to do harm.  And this is my plan to enter it willingly though reluctantly.

I am very upset and wish to be ignorant because I feel betrayed but I have not prepared another way yet, anyway.