A bit late

It may well be a tad behind what would be considered a mark of development of mankind, but I have found peace in my no longer being and object of beauty. I only wish that I would have been admired and loved when I was deserving of such, but I am just now understanding why it was said that if you want a sincere and unbiased opinion, one ought to ask a woman past her 40's. I also remark on a comment that is very influential in that it is commonly understood, but in my case later (better late than never). I will not be overly concerned with my decline to the point that it overshadows what could take it's place as being an area where I may truly shine. Ok here was the comment:" How unfortunate it is to have experience such great loss, for at the same time I noticed hair missing, I also lost my waistline."
I always noted how men lamented a wife who was married because of her beauty,  but such beauty had passed shortly after marriage. I always assumed it was the sign of a good marriage, as the purpose of beauty was to attract the opposite sex. I always figured that if I ever truly won someone's heart it would show in my loss of not my looks, but my need to maintain them.
But, as much as I sincerely want to be young and attractive still, I am consigned to let it gracefully go and instead focus on developing what remains. If we are to be resurrected with perfect bodies then I have not truly lost anything. I was more keenly aware of  that when I lost my poise and many abilities. When I am resurrected,  I will be restored to a body for eternity that is of such fineness that exceeds what I ever accomplished in the first place, and from the parable of the talents I learn that to gain more I ought to earn more. This cannot be done by lamenting the passing of beauty that proportionally in eternity will become increasingly more and more insignificant.

Because, I have no where else to put it, but I do not want it in obvious sight, I will say this: I wonder what Mary, queen of Scotland, was lead by if not the hand of God. Because, we are often made aware that Catholicism is not the Church of God. I think. Well, then how would one worship or be in communion with God at such times as there truly was no religion of any entire truth. I do believe there is truth in every religion, and that truth comes from God. So God was in both protestantism and Catholicism, but what made Mary tick? Often, as I feel so deeply for her, I start to think that I can understand her, but such empathy comes from assuming that she truly is motivated by a hand of God, but that cannot be right? Hmmmm. Spain was catholic and Spain is responsible for the colonization of America and I easily admit that Colombus was lead by the hand of God.

Oh, such are the things foremost in my thoughts in the wee hours of the morning when I ought to be sleeping.