Happy Anniversary to me

Uh,not too happy. But why should it be? On February 23rd, 2001 I was sealed in the The Temple to one I intended to love forever, It seems that to so many this is not a big deal, but to me it was, and what happenedwas completely out of ny cobtrol, but I was being protected.
The most important thing to find in mortal life is love and though I loved Brandall entirely, and obviously I still kinda do, but I can see how it was necessary for him to divorce me. It is this simmple: If you can live without it, you should. And life was better for hin to get rid of me because I was just holding him back.

This is important for me to understand because I stuck with Nick because he claims undying devotion. I donot want to have to teach hin this lesson,mostly out offear that it will not be comprehended anyway. He values the things he knows to much to acknowlege that they may be wrong. He claims that he is trying to change, but that it is slow and difficuly. Love is the power to overcome. If he really lobed me he would bot haveever risked loosing me, but he only worries about himself, or how he will be percieved. Mostly about himself, like everyone else. loving yourself is not a sin, not loving others more is. He appears valiant but it is like the man who obeys all the laws because they fear punishment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtJuVwstyE0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKW0uelA6Dw

Today, I want to throw away every nonessential thing. And it is very snowy and coldm and I am in my pajamas. I am going to take a break.

Lastly, I thought this, but did not have anywhere to say it:

I am increasing in my resolve and dissatisfaction and have not reached a boiling point yet. And thefact that I am even close says something. This is my recurring thought, He has been playing the "My past is so dark" card for far too long. No doubt it will come up again, he has been integrating it since highschool. The other thing that gets to ne is the whole Pity me. My Mom died. That is terrible, but, we all loose someone and must decide if we will wallow in pity or use it to overcome because we want to be with them again.

I kept trying to think of where I would like to say thism without saying it,nbut I wanted to record it so that I could remember feeling that way if I for whatever reason in thefuture started doubting my choice.