I ought to be writing in my gratitude journal

I am far too mad right now to think clearly enough to say anything relevant. This is the last straw, and he broke it. I was calmed after a nice warm bath after today was a disturbing day, I secretly hoped that Nick gets a job soon, because He is of no use around the house, but constantly makes demands as if he cannot see that I am slightly busy taking care of his children, whom he remember occassionally, when he looks up from his game. I was sooo exhausted, and he non chalantky made me cary Mary around in more stores and then dwadled saying that he was waiting on me, well that is truly funny, maybe he was, but shouldn't have been if he drove somewhere he must've had a reason. I wanted to go home and rest.

I ordered a new cell phone which arived today, it made me feel good to have my own phone! when he said something that was so profound, he said, "I'm sorry that your phone broke." but it was obvious that he wasn't concerned one bit about my phone or me. He is in complete denial that I shouldn't be doing the things I do, but instead insists that I don't do enough or ought to do more! He added, "You liked the phone just fine until it broke." Soooooo stinking what? I loved my marriage untl it was broken, too.It is not even a matter of liking the thing. I wasn't looking for s perfect phone or husband. I was looking for something functional, that would not break, Sure I'd prefer my other phone, but finances suggest another phone, likewise he made me realize that I prefered Brandall, but it was already proven that that wouldn't work, so it would be stupid to think the issue is ever a matter of what pleases me the most.

I am slightly handicapped in that My left side has a wierd form of paralysis, so I tend to not put caps on tightly, one who loved me might be just as concerned as Nick, but nick's concern isn't for me at all, but how that would effect him, and he gets mad and yells at me as if I do it on purpose, instead of just quiety fixing them for me as he knows that it is a trouble that I have. Well, He spilled all of my mouthwash all over the cothes I had cleaned, never giving a thpought to who would clean it up or what hardships it might cause me, his concern was just getting his things cleaned and if he spilled something, oh well. I should have put that lid on tighter!

I am getting alot stronger and alot wiser and able to realize the error of my situation, which if he had not always pushed me so hard to accomplish things that wew impossible, I might have ignorantly been happy until it was too late.

I'm tired. time to go to sleep and hope things will be better when I wake up. It feels good to be this sleepy, but with being so tired loose a lot of my "censure."