Whew!

Sundays always exhaust me, not from the escapades of getting little kids ready, but from all of the deep thinking, I do not KNOW this, but I expect that thinking generates a whole lot of energy, that must come from somewhere.

I tried to take a nap but ended up having a great convesation with Nick, where we discussed many of the heftier matters weighing on my mind, most notably was when I asked him how he escapes, in the form of this question: So what do you dream when you sleep?" I figured that would hold the answer to break up the monotony and stress of his work. He exlained that they are so far out there. very much beyond the ordinary. I commented how I dream of life just the exact way it happened only changing what I say or do, which makes my memories a bit faulty at times and then I fit in somewhere that his dreams were alot like his video games then, a way to escape. I suggested that he write a fantasy novel. I think it would be easy, obviously his mind creates the stories, he just needs to jot them down, but he said that he is not a writter. I was confused. I think he means that he won't write, not that he cannot. Now, I simply cannot write according to many standards, but I still try. I believe he really could be everything I want, but he just won't, which is a good segue for another topic. I told him that his culture is so engrained in people that they don't even realize it, but women need men because without them they are powerless (referring to the priesthood). He said that men needed women. I said yeah, that I figured that was why sex drive exsisted, so that women woud always be on a man's mind, otherwise, why would men ever want a woman. But, I argued that eventhough it sounds good, the priesthood could not exsist for families, because that means that without a family there would be no God. he said, "yep. but there is a heavenly mother and we are all organized by families."

Ok, I need to back up here and explain that there is a huge notable clash in Corinth between the "utah" faction and the indigenous "Mississippi" faction. Both feel that their culture or way to do things is right. I have a story that explains the utah way. a general authority was attending a class reunion with his wife. He was anxious because there would be aother boy there who dated his wife. but, as they met him, he ended up never ammounting to anything. So, on the way home the GA asked hos wife, "Aren't you lad that you married me?" and she responded, "Well, if I had married him. He would've been the Gerneral Authority." And, though it is funny. It truly represents a huge difference between cultures that I livew daily, and need to come up with a solution. Men think the woman defines them out here, and it obviously works for them. But, I always thought that it is not a woman's place to be bossy, but that it was intended to seek out a man who chose to develop certain attributes and they would be an indication of who he is and would become. Now, though, I feel like Nick is expecting me to "make" him into something that I want, but I married him because I thought that he would just become something I wanted, My focus is on the children.

Ok, that brings me to the next point I wanted to make. I was watching TV with brooksie and She was getting so upset at all of the inconsistancies, like everyone just joining in and already knowing the song and the dance perfectly, or this little insect knowing someone's name. I started doing it, too. I asked why they even made a bee talk anyway. The real thought worth having was that the "Magic" wasn't there anymore for her. She had grown up. Then, I started to think about how we do that, too. I think being a parent is the way we learn more to be like our Heavenly counterparts. When we get smart we loose the magic that made our fantasies so believable. It is natural, like with our own children, the time to coddle is over, There is a Scripture I mostly recall from the movie "The Mission" where DiNero endures a terrible trial and becomes a missionary as his balm. He applies this scripture: "When I was a child, I played with childish things..."

I tried a second time to go to sleep, but am still tired because of the energy I had to use to create such a dream, without details (no it wasn't explicit or anything just secret) there was this person thanking me for introducing them to another person who was someone they very much wanted to meet with, and had asked me to proof read a letter before it was mailed. I realized how much I had failed to see as I read the words intended for someone else. I could never be what I intended because the time had passed, and my priority was elsewhere and "what we do today effects who we become." (that was a quote someone in RS shared as it was on their refridgerator), oh yeah, our freezer is fristing over again!!! We just had to replace new food, well, I'm not going to do it again! I am just glad that it worked while thw kids were here.

I also realized the reason why I am so cold is that it should be warm, so even though it is warmer it feels colder. Also, it was rainng alot, I figure hat is normal, "April Showers" but we do live in a desert! Peopl around here comment on the extreme humidity.

I thought about how much i'd like to have a little lot of garden, maybe I could buy some seeds and grow then in the ward gsrden, if Nick cannot afford to get me some pots or something.