I finally know exactly what to do and why my certainty wavers. I base what I ought to do on how I feel and feeling change from day to day. I was praying very hard and feeling like I was not getting an answer... Maybe Tal was right all a long and I was stubbornly trying to counterpoint his ideas. Well, it was deciding that perhaps he did have a good idea that I more closely examined his ideas.
Then it struck me, it was dangerous to look for answers in our feelings and Satan knows this. I was teaching wee children what opposites were "Ah hah!" Trusting your thoughts or believing they create emotions is foolish too it's that whole "to be learned is Good BUT..." Too many get that high that comes from making a good choice that they believe choices are over and no longer need to create the God who created them. They start to get it like was always a part of the plan, right? And figure now they can take off the training wheels.
Anyhow, I got entirely side-tracked. I am seriously sad that dear friends could loose to this test. It is like when we took certifications for computer. We had alot of field experience, but everyone told me that I didn't know anything and was an idiot, which kept me humble whereas others who were supposed experts and knew it all were selected to take advantage of a training designed for such experts. I was not selected so I was too afraid to take the test assuming I wouldn't have a clue. Well, ends up I took the test later as well as the experts who took it and grumbled at how hard it was and subsequently failed. I assumed I would not do well, but took it anyhow using my reasoning skills I aced it! So, the others decided it was not an accurate measurement and refused to grow from their failure and I only reluctantly tell people that I aced the test assuming. I will earn comments that I am only a "paper MCSE" or something.
My dad says thathe sees something similar in our family how those who are humble or humbled succeed while other brilliant and successful siblings stumble in regards of eternal things.
I said all that merely to say that I am sad and hope to help in any way I can. But, see how it is a tricky thing cause the
only way to know a thing is to do it. So, if you start to find evidence outside it will not support. It feels like one in a raft in the ocean. Only way to help is to be in the raft, and in that metaphor I am only in the raft because I am too afraid to swim, whereas others think themselves able to handle everything.
Ok, so what did I learn that I actually intended to share...running out of time...
I wanted to share the idea Tal Bachman had first. When dealing with a difficult situation that he was unable to rectify he simply decided to start over! Brilliant.
I want to move, but I actually just want to start over. That is my answer. I am unhappy and know something needs to change, since I cannot change it, I will reset it and sort of like baptism do everything better the next time around.
