Just a little girl

I think I am all grown up simply because I have matured to the point where I can communicate with words. But can I really? My abilities with words is no where near my ability to communicate in music. Yet, I fail to see a larger scheme of things and how inability to use my greater talents is a good thing like a little girl who does not understand punishment and thinks it is done out of meanness.

When I was a teenager I had a strange image impressed on my mind. I tried to write about it, but my words came out a poetry about " enlightened grains of sand " cause I was trying to express through allusion the words recorded in the book of Abraham. Later, I realized not many would even understand me and some would even read it and think I was some brilliant poet. I still suspect someone will when they find my (I laugh to recall it) missing oratorio about the city of Enoch. I loved one piece cause of the language." How is it that the heavens shed forth their tears as rain upon the mountain and Lord how is it that thou candy weep?" or something.
Anyhow, I somehow contracted a rare type of enchiphilitis(sp?).  (https://youtu.be/qbkgj5J91hE)
And was blessed to be rendered useless as far as composing any more music goes. Instead I write words and try to develop that ability. Yesterday, I read a children's book "Knuffle Bunny" and in the story a little girl is frantically trying to communicate but does not have the whole language thing down. (https://youtu.be/I3CeOUxPCjs) sure, it is humorous and entertaining but is was the source of my mini ah hah! I realized that in the grand scheme (meaning eternal) of things I was still a very little girl and need not worry about so many of the things I consume my time with. What use is it anyway. God promised that if I did certain things then I would achieve certain things, most important to me is bring truly loved...which includes being understood, but really a girl is not ready to be understood yet, and I was given such great opportunities, one of the best one of being able to accomplish things. I do not doubt that in the least. No thing is truly impossible for me IF I simply keep my end of the deal which seems quite doable

Things I ought to...

I was remembering a very special performance. I remember Mr. Wayne Stubs and playing the song Danny Boy cause the trombone part was extremely high, but I loved to play it, it seems like we were being recorded. But no matter how many details I recall like being in an odd building and a few people like Tara (bassoon maybe), Bart and Jeff. I can recall small details but not where or when it was. I am not even sure on the names the one boy I ought to have known very well. He loved Ohio State and sat next to me in the T-bone section. But all I recall is that I felt slighted cause I was the best and section leader in band but in orchestra I was last chair and the thought that calmed me reminded me what a chameleon I was. It did not matter what part I played. I was not a great band but assumed whatever role was to be filled. If I was with an award winning ensemble I was that caliber of player and with a crappy group I seemed better but wouldn't I prefer to just be in a wonderful group?It was an honor to be in orchestra.so,why did I compete in individual sports? I am a team player. I have a hive mentality.

The reason Ithought of it is because people have commented or complimented Nick and I on our family and he always takes all the credit and I thought perhaps he needs that little awakening. I remember Tal Bachman had one when he realized that his children were meant to be raised together with his wife. But, they weren't and I am really so extremely sad about that. I feel like Lucifer won out there and I just cannot let him have my children cause I am miserable. It occurs to me that I have other children, too and the plan was always to have them all sealed and I thought it hinged on dealing with things I did because my kids needed it, but I am starting to realize that I need actually to just be sealed to someone who actually loves me and have the children sealed to me. Nick has said that is a thing that will happen, but like Sarah Abram's wife. Started to suggest that if the promise of nations was Ever going to be realized something needed to be done. Sincerely, all I want is to build an eternal family and be truly cherished. Perhaps, I just need to express that desire a bit more.

Elsie's baptism

Last night, Mary Anne and I went to the stake center for Elsie Thacker's baptism. Mary was over the top excited for her own upcoming baptism. I know that she will be prepared and understands it.

When we got home a couple of missionaries dropped by unexpectedly and gave us a wonderful object lesson on baptism and the sacrament where they made ink seem to disappear the object lesson was how the Holy Ghost is a baptism of fire and how although God has forgiven our sins the remenant still remains and there were still smudges. The kids really seemed to "get" that lesson! Mary excitedly showed her lesson where she wrote sin in pencil and then erased it. Joseph declared that although it was erased it could still sorta be seen and the paper would never be ideal or original again. I gave the missionaries hot cocoa. It is sooo bitterly cold!

Oh, at the baptism. Elsie and Kennedy Bryner sang "When I am Baptized". It was beautiful! Another object lesson was given:

Those being baptized (which included Mya Colyer and Azraella Something both of whom go to school with Mary).

TAKE to remember our promises made to God.

Take His name upon us.
Always remember Him.
Keep his commandments.
Everyday repeat.

Then we get his spirit to be with us.

A missionary told another one. Using a Kit-Kat you use KAT to Keep his commandments, Always remember and Then you have his spirit to be with you.