how do you know?

There is much that I comprehend but choose to appear ignorant about to avoid that very question, "how do you know?" I thought of the perfect way to explain it in terms that anyone may understand. I was watching a TV Program with my son and in it they talked about how we have many senses and just because one is harmed or hindered to the point that it is unreliable we just use other senses to tell us what we must know.

So, let this be a little smirk. I am not the ignorant little fool you take me for with your unrounded senses. I speak fluent innuendo, and have received all of the messages that I originally assumed were not intended,for me, though I hoped, now, I just cannot bear the deep concern to develop for,me. I understand the need for secrecy, and I just don't have the strength to follow suit, instead I'll just keep on pretending. Ok, I am falling asleep, my words said put it in the microwave on high for 10 minutes...

nothing significant

unless you want to read how I think through things, this is a waste of your time to read, I sugest you go look elsewhere to be entertained or educated.

Having prefaced my remarks thus, I will think through everything while I am sitting, and slightly less interrupted as usual.I just burned some brownies, not really, but I threw them away just the same.

nothing. I got nothing.

I bet there are some great songs titled nothing.

I need something

repitition

It is a method most teachers are familiar with, it is written on most items as the way to ensure success, Even my husband has noted how frustrating it is that Jesus Christ repeats his question to Peter, "Do you love me?" ?but it clarifies and makes cetain one is heard properly, sometimes I repeat things in my head just for verification as I didn't really catch things correctly the first time. t is also doctrine that two witnesses need to be offered to accept a thing as true and the angel appear 3 times to verfy he said the exact same things again, just so Joseph would not mess up what he was told.

I have been to this same point many times, the information is clear. I am entirely nistaken regarding my life purpose. I have realized that it is not too late to correct my mistake and that no mistake I made was potentially unforgivabe or uncorrectable. Last night I watched the movie "there be dragons" and loved the way it made me feel. If we are given bigger opportunities for mistakes then we are fortunate. just look at Peter. Even he was forgivable, I believe that even Judas Iscariot could have been forgiven had he not tried to solve things on his own. It will be becauuse I surrender my will that I can be forgiven and that is the only way I can have a hope of achieving the perfection I desire.

I need to go back to being oblivious of the things I shouldn't know anything about anyway, and instead simpy trust how I feel.

I need to get the kids dressed up so we can go do something fun, and get Joseph more presents and some peanutbutter. Ugh! it's raining, plan 2 Bath time and movie/pizza/popcorn night. "brother bea" again.

This is just another test of my resolve to live better, and be better, I just want to fritter my time away onine until bedtime, though.

My crochet project

Yesterday, I had a weird but common incident with my crochet project. I am making a larger sturdier bag for church on Sundays. I cannot find a pattern or exsisting bag that suits me, so I'm making one and yesterday I finished the long laborious task.

It included pulling apart an old afghan I had started year ago, to match my cool Monkey slippers. But as I would likely never complete it and I needed yarn, and had five able bodied kids around last weekend, looking to be helpful. We had fun making about 15 balls of yarn. I realy think Joseph was more of a trouble-causing than solving partner, but fun was had by everyone!

It was two-strand thick and took any and all free time I had for weeks. But yesterday evening I was done at last! and ahead of schedule! But, the frustrating part is yet to come.

The sides and bottom portion (the gussie) was waaay too long. I really cannot even wonder how it got so long*. But I did not want to undo all of that work, so I tried to attach it. As I was putting the pieces together I thought, "You know, doing it right the first time will save you alot of headache."I ignored that thought, but grew frustrated that I spent so much time on such a cobbled up mess. I decided that it was time to put it down for a while.

I wrote an e-mail to a friend, but the mess was still on my mind so I started thinking of all of my problems in terms of crochet. I was thinking about my life taking so long to get just how I want it, but I wouldn't even really think about what I had accomplised unless it went wrong anyway..I thought of others who had done everything right and I decided that it was worth it to take my bag apart. I could do that much right.

So,  took it apart and completely unraveled the sides and bottom portion, DO OVER!  You should be lead to the thought, but I'll come out and say it: It is alot like our life. Sometimes we simply must unravel and do it all over again, only this time right! I am making it over, properly I knew it would be extra work to measure and make sure I got it right, but I will have a lot of extra yarn, because it's shorter. In the end, I must put off my "House scrubbing" for another day, but it wil be worth it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

* Likely, it was trying to watch Stargate Atlantis while you estimated the size. Or it might have been the children constantl interrupting your counting. My honest question remains How the heck did you not notice and keep working for days like that?

Birthday wish

I want so many things, almost too many to mention.

Doing without so many things for so long, some wants have been dismissed, while others have intensified, and I questioned why I wanted them and determined that I need them.

My birthday is on Sunday, so I need to decide how this day of granting wishes can be used to the best of my ability.

Sumed up: I need to get my hands on a piano daily.