Christmas 2014

It's done! What a huge burden has been lifted, but a thing that has not been lifted was our timely snowfall!!!

I am so sick and tired. No, I mean it. Sick and tired. Mary is supposed to be sick, too but I have been chasing her around cleaning messes.

On an incidental note last night Joseph prayed for his pillow. I did not know how to break it to him that his pillow would not be getting any presents, but ends up Spencer his best friend gave him a super cool pillow case it was really really awesome!!! No doubt, made by his mother and excitedly Joe says, "Stuffing Pillow is gonna love this!".

Another funny thing was when Mary asked if her doll could play Wii fit because she likes to do Yoga.

Firetruck Santa

The Layton City firemen made Joseph's Christmas so incredible. First Santa came in and gave them candy canes and presents, so many presents. I think I am more anxios than the kids to see what they got! It is a lot like the way the world probably felt waiting. For the,Messiah to finally come. Only, we know exactly when Christmas will come. It is overwhelming how others help and the purpose of all is the stuff they write on Christmas cards. Every possible desire has been exceeded even. Maybe I will have to think of something else to want.

Before Santa came over our Home teacher did though and dropped off a Christmas treat which was so sweet and thoughtful as I am sure they have been incredibly busy and such at this time of year. He and his wife played Joseph and Mary in a live Nativity with their baby as Jesus. He and his beautiful wife are true disciples of Christ, it is so obvious. One notable time his wife simply put her arm around my shoulders, and one time just acted kind and the power of such actions spoke louder than any words could. Also, one time, I asked her to watch my children so that I could visit teach, and she did so without causing any fuss when she had her own children to care for. But, anyway...

Santa came and first thing is Joe asked him if he liked cookies. Then, told him that he really liked his fire truck. Ofcourse, he got a tour. It is going to be another great Christmas! Coolest thing is how loving and sharing the children already are. I just hope it continues.

Diet documentation

OK. Last Time, I set out to loose weight although I intended to document it well, so that I might remember what I did, I did not, thinking my attempt failed because I did not achieve my results ( which were technically impossible) I actually did loose a considerable ammount of weight.

I am gaining weight gradually, it has been about a year and I am just seeing the results of a different lifestyle now when my clothes do not fit. But, that did not happen instantly.

The way I was dealing with it was just as um perilous. I would toss my hands up and say, "heck, nothin is working, so I might as well just eat and accept it, so, I tossed out all of my culprit clothes.

But, today I realized that though I can accept this size, I will not continue to be so accepting. And so, my goal is not to necessarily loose weight, but halt it's progression.

I am not entirely confident that this attempt will work, but I am going to try it, and document what I do: I will run 30 minutes each morning and then take only one garcinia cambogia pill a half an hour before dinner, and stop smacking in bed while I watch tv. Ewww, it is even grusome to type that I did it, the very lifestyle I despise. I suppose a lot of prayer will help me stay focused on my goal, too.

Musical Legalities...

I almost caught our choir trying to break the law.

The piece clearly was labeled for a mixed choir, but we were solidly white. Someone call the singing cops. This was blatant disregard for a composer(in this case stranger)'s wishes.

Then, very talented Hatian boy entered and all were saved! Although our mixture was far from homogeneous it truly represented a mixture, so all was well in Zion.

Mornings

Well, I still need to run, the cold weather changed my routine. I run  first thing on Wii fit, but this morning, my foot hurts from trying to demonstrate stage fighting tips. I "fake" tripped on a shoelace. I was not wearing shoes and bruised my heel. It hurts to step down so I walk on my toes, but I wonder what aerobic I can do in place of running.

I also had to reglue a minimermaid for Mary. It is presently redrying. And I am crocheting an afghan for someone for Christmas and while I do that I was listening to Isaiah, because I have been so prayerful and it has been said that we speak to the Father through prayer and he speaks back through scripture.

Strangely and unexpectedly, every word reminded me of my brother. It seemed like it was said over and over that even admist all of the calamity, the Lord still out stretches his arms. This is how I felt about my brother years ago.

It was from thinking about how perfect his life is now that I got a communication.

Although neither of us realized it at the time, giving him a book of Mormon was a turning point. He was not headed down the same path, in fact, he was what one might call a black sheep, it was because he was so filled with worldly ideas, what I mean to say is that he listened to media and music and chose it as his source. He was good, mind you. Every thought I get from pop music is good and inspirational, too, but it is bad in that it distracts us from something better.

The answer to my sincere prayers is that I need to willfully turn more to the scriptures for my wisdom if I want to emulate the success of my brother, which I do.

I can now see how his wrong choices helped him be sure of the right one, by noting the distinction. He is now, so wise and so strong. I remember on his mission he wrote a letter to my parent about exact obedience, that was profound and visibly life changing.

It will be much harder to correct for me because I have made it my life to convince myself and others that I was right, so why change?

When my home teacher visited last week, I realized a truth that had escaped me, that I need to repent and change through the atonement just as much as anyone else that is what the church is for: Sinners. And I am not perfect or else I would have been translated, but I'm still in English :)

Bored as usual

I wanted to take the kids to the store cause I wanted some yeast, thet could return theircolorin sheets, but my filename is that Intended to finish organizing the kids rooms. We made huge progress the last two times, and I would like to keep our momentum, so, maybe I will instead fold clothes and sort through the closet to see what else we can fit hidden away.

Oh yeah, I ran out of mayonaise and had to use miracle whip on my sub sandwich, which was disgusting. I used to like it and not like mayo, but sometime my preferences changed.

I woke up with swollen sinuses again today. What is up with that? I name it on the season. Heaters turning on blowing up dust and allergens. My headhurts so bad, I am getting sick of it. But, how much more will I endure?

I just feel like it was a sort of sci-fi fantasy to be born here and it was an incredible gift like someone giving you a free expense paid trip to New Zealand. I should be enjoying myself. I should be remembering gratefully the opportunity, but somehow I am unhappy. I must have done something wrong. I am convinced that it is never too late. McGuyver would find a way, so I must.

Just got back

I just finished my run today and though it was a struggle, it was wonderful. I am actually sitting outside because it is so nice to be out. It felt like a soundtrack to chariots of fire should have been playing. The wind was blowing so that it whipped my hair around and felt like movie footage then, as I started thinking, I thought, "hmm, I wonder which sewing machines work well enough to take to church tonight. I wonder if the secret to running is not to think about it..."I stumbled and snapped back to the present, cue "I Won't Give Up" and struggle on to the end then I pushed myself with my morning scripture, life saver, Joseph gave me. "Endure to the end". There was no kick, but I finished and have almost stopped sweating now enough to go back to sleep before Mary makes her debut. I think today was so good because my first to do was not run, but study my scriptures. Believe it or not, that makes all of the difference.

The mailman

It is significant what Joe did today. He waved to and said something to the mail man. I knew it likely made the mailman's day. So, As we,walked on, I had a talk with him about how it is always good to be kind to others. It is like ripple in that pond. If he always is good it will make others happy, so he will be happy, too. Sorta seems selfish to me, but oh well.

Questions of Life and Death

We went to Andy Adams resivoir to throw rocks. But, instead found fish, and I want to record the dilemma those fish solved for me.

I found an earthworm wriggling around in the shallow water and was mesmorized by how elegantly it moved, but I had heard that when it rains worms come up because the soils OS easier to move though, and sometimes greediness lands them on the sidewalk when the water receeds. There they are burned to a crisp by the sun. For some reason I. Assumed they came to the surface else they would drown. I did not know if that was true, so I let it swim for a bit. It actually seemed suited for swimming anyway. Still, I kept wondering if it was quietly calling for help. Maybe it was a huge coincidence that I saw it and could help. But, would I really help? The sun was hot and the worm had no eyes but could probably sense the depth of the water, so I would not save it.

Next, I thought of the story about the kid trying to save starfish during a low tide, when a wiser man asked what he was doing. He couldn't possibly save them all. The boy replied, "but, I made a difference for that one."as he tossed one into the sea. Combined with a comment a while ago where someone celebrated the choice of an ancestor because of their choice effected generations of people. So one choice has almost countless effects.

Well, then a larger fish came to whitish and grabbed the worm and that was that. The worm's. Life was no longer in my hands. But had given up his energy to the fish. That simple act said a lot. I was glad to have observed it.

The end of July, Begining of life

I do not know what exactly to expect, but I know something is on the verge.

It starts when I whisk myself to privacy and pray.

The real thing I learned the most recently and thus most powerful to me. Is that when we really need help our way of helping is letting the Lord bless us mostly in that we excercise the faith. We need faith that if we do a thing the desired result will follow. Easy enough, huh? But, what if what we desire isn't what we want? Like suppose you need money for piano lessons, so you pray, fully believing you will be blessed. So, you know that you must act, so you obey the prompt to sign up as a volunteer at a play group. Ok, it was undeniable that the Lord's hand was in this, so your happy solution is that you find the money somewhere, but you talk for hours to another struggling mother about finances, and as you are leaving she finds a hundred dollar bill laying on the ground and instantly thanks God for it. But, you feel like maybe your prayer wasn't heard or something. Later that same mother calls and tells you that she has decided to start giving piano lessons and though it might not help much she would like to give lessons to your children for free. She only chose you because you were fresh on her mind and that finding the money helped her so much that she decided to try to make money and thought she needed to start out with a few others who might be a good start for her.

So, we see how things were orchestrated for the best of everyone and likely your solution was only presented because you first were willing to do as prompted, even if the blessing did not seem a result of doing so because you were focused pn finding money which was not your real need anyway.

So, I will not probably find money, but I will be answered with what I need, maybe that blessing will be but to know what it is I need.

Fourth of July

We had a family reunion in Atlanta. It was so nice to be with my parents, siblings, neices and nephews, but mostly my entire family all 5 children.

It was a very long trip. We were going by plane, but ended up unable to buy a flight so we drove.

It has been uncomfortably hot. I know that I must take the children and move to Mississippi. My parents are moving into my grandparents home in Florida. So, the plan is to rent their home from them so that I can be closer to the older kids, too.

There is a piano and a pool. But, I think it will be in October because I have to be an usher for the Ogden Temple Openhouse on August 12. I could just find a substitute though. But, I do not have the funds yet. I want to use birthday money. I would like to learn to drive well again, too, and hopefully I can afford a car, with my mom to watch the kids I can likely get a good job and eventually afford day care or babysitting. Nick just said that he wanted to think as he would not give his opinion. So, I prayed figuring if it was to ever be I would have to do it myself. He just gives excuses and keeps me hanging on and unable to ever do anything. No more. I got a sure answer that I will go, as of yet I don't know when. It is like last year, I prayed and got the answer that I should go but then I talked to Nick and as usual he never decides unless forced and I will not force him, but I am sick of being tied to a sinking rock. I know what to do and anyone else who prays will get the same answer.

This week we will get fireworks again! Or maybe not, I don't know what Nick has in mind, he never says, even if you ask.