Dead flowers

Well, I guess they served a purpose. I had been warned, and it is a strange thing, but Nick told me not to ever assume something was,mine unless he said so. Well, there were flowers on the table that showed up on valentine's day, but nothing was ever said to me ever, so I assumed they were not for me, which is fine cause the sybolism of the color meant strained friendship anyhow. So, I let them be until finally they had been dead for three days and still nothing had been said so I assumed they must have been intended for me so I took care of disposing them, and they became another symbol to me that my husband knows his duty, but he only fills it as much as is required, and apparently he is not required to do anything to keep or maintain things around here. Afterall, he works and drives a car, something helping to define him as disposable. Infact, I could and probably should start earning my own money and get my own home, and let him take care of this stuff, cause I frankly find it offensive the sort of squallor we live in. It amused me to see that he seemed to be genuinely suprised at the life we lead which is not at all the sort of life he leads. But, still he continues to spend money left and right on himself while making certain we are living thriftily, and claims that we cannot afford things like flour and eggs, so others supply them out of kindness of their hearts, also others compassionately offer rides to the children because he refuses to allow me to drive his car or get one that is suitable for the family, because we can just walk or beg for rides. So, no need for him to care. What immediately comes to mind is how much excruciating pain I was in, but my husband just ignored it and told me that I could not afford to do anything without insurance. I wondered if thing would be different if he was in pain or one of the kids was. Well, I believe that one day God will judge him for his behavior, so I just deal with it, and do what I am able (like pray and ask for priesthood blessings, cause my husband cannot give them and probably wouldn't if I asked anyway).

So, what happened? My prayers were heard and answered!! It was the biggest miracle of my life, and I write about it unless I forget how significant it was. Heavenly Father had compassion on me and provided a means for me to find relief and a beautiful smile, and for it I am grateful in the biggest way imagineable.
So much gratitude ought to be reserved for a husband although the source would likely be the same. Because of my unique situation I was even told by the one who helped orchestrate it, that it was very important that I realize that it was God who gave the gift, not the giver of the gift, and getting them confused was easy to do. Because of that situation, I was able to learn undeniably that Heavenly Father is mindful and loves me and will provide as he always has for those who recognize and ask. So, I knew that if I needed anything I would have it, if I asked. That helps me recognize the difference between wanting and needing. Now, back to the flowers, they are dead, and disposed of although I was reluctant to do so. As soon as I realized that they were mine, I took care of them, as I always would have if I had been aware.